My Body is Trying to Die.

What? Is that too dramatic for you? In my opinion it's nothing but the truth. If it were up to my throat and joints at this precise moment I would fall over dead. They are trying to kill me. Here are a few scenes from inside my throat....





It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to cope with.... this raging inferno of death. What do I do? Drink hot tea, enough to drown a whale. Eat raw garlic and onions, enough to drown Billy's olfactory senses in misery. And I wait it out and fight the good fight. Oh... and I also bitch and complain quite a lot as well (which is actually part of fighting the good fight in my mind.) So there you have it. I have the flu. It makes me angry to no end.

It may be a day or two before I post again. But that is probably best for you all anyway. See you on the other side.

Faces of Death

Look out Lon Chaney. Stand the Hell back Bela Lugosi. Step OFF Vincent Price. Ya'll have no game... no game at all, compared to the MASTER. Allow me to share with you the many terrifying faces of RUDY.

Brains... BRAAAIIIINNNSSSS! He will eat your BRAINS! It's "Night of the Living Dead Dog!"






You'd best put on your most potent garlic bulb necklace and leave the lights on tonight because the CANINE NOSFERATU is coming for you! As soon as he wakes up from his nappy on the sofa...





And finally... load up your six shooter with silver bullets because WOLF MAN is on the move tonight! He will rip your lungs out Jim!





Living with this masterful actor is a bloody rough job... but somebody has to do it.

Old is the New New

I have started stocking up my Etsy store... over the next few weeks I plan to fill it with millions of fabulous items so check back often if you are in to vintage stuff. Here is a link through to the shop...

The Eye of the Tiger and Other Stories

Today had it's high points and low points. We started off on a good foot going to a new French bakery down the street for breakfast. It was very cute and the food was good. I had a bowl of coffee. Yes... a bowl. Like a cereal bowl shaped bowl full up with java. It was right up my alley although I am not a huge fan of French roast coffees. We both ordered an egg and cheese croissant and we split a Nutella crepe on the side. It was all very indulgent. I forgot to bring the camera or I would have posted pictures of the grub. You will just have to imagine how delicious it all looked.

Upon returning home with a belly full of yum I had to ready Rudy and I for a trip to the vet. Rudy had developed a weird squeezy looking red eye over the last day or so and we wanted to get it taken care of before it got any worse. We think the eye may have been injured during a recent tiger fight. The tiger has been quarantined until everyone is well again. Anyway, the vet is only about two blocks away so we just walked there. All went well through the eye exam. The doc said it was a pretty common and simple type of eye irritation and gave me some medicine to clear it up over the course of a week. Then came the Q & A session. I had several dog ownership questions I wanted answered so I fired away. The most important news is that Rudy is not fat. For some reason we had made up our minds of late that he was a regular old apple dumplin'. So he is in the clear for now and can continue to eat cake and ice cream with a side of bacon all day every day until the vet says otherwise. I am now leading into the horrible thing. Get ready. I mentioned that it had proven impossible for us to trim Rudy's nails, like ever. The vet offered to do it for me right then and there. I said... "You go right ahead and try." Rudy turns in to a crackhead tyrannosaurus rex when you try to clip his nails. The vet called his assistant over and had her get Rudy in a (supposed) lock down position. A first attempt was made. Then a muzzle was employed. Sounds filled the air which resembled a whale being gutted alive by pitchforks in the deepest darkest corner of the ocean. The assistant kept screaming out "He is SO STRONG!!! I CAN'T HOLD HIM!!" Then Rudy would wrench his flailing body free from her grips and commence flipping all over the room making wild and random death threats through clenched teeth. At this point the vet had managed to clip maybe three nails. I then bravely stepped forward and asked "Do you want me to hold him down?" To which I got a big fat enthusiastic "YES!" So I picked him up and tried to lock him in my arms in the exact way the vet had told me to. I felt sick and dizzy. Since Rudy's claws had not been clipped in so long a few of them were now cut to the quick and were bleeding. The vet began clipping again and Rudy was quickly turning in to a raging lunatic under my grip. This is when I announced very distinctly... "I am going to pass out." I slooped forward and let Rudy's body slide to the floor and I stumbled to a nearby chair where thankfully I managed to regain some sort of stability and did not actually pass out. Very embarrassing. I would have never guessed that I would react to this situation in this particular way. But I did. So the assistant was again forced to hold Rudy to finish the job. Her face was bright purple. I am pretty sure that she too was on the verge of sickness or fainting. I had blood all over the sleeve of my dress and it was all very bizarre and intense. The vet announced that Rudy has a tremendous will. No shit. At this moment I feel like I want to let Rudy's nails grow til the end of time... and never ever clip them again. And I am pretty sure that he feels exactly the same way. He is fine now by the way.... as awful as it all was (I think in the end it was more awful for me than for him) he has shown no signs of discomfort or upset since we set foot out of the office. I talked to myself out loud the whole walk home. Things like..."That was CRAZY. Whew. Whoooooo. RUDY! Holy CRAP." Anyone who saw me (or heard me) must have thought I was a real screw job out walking my dog.

After a good long session of laying flat and letting the terror of that episode retreat from my brain I decided to get to work on Eleanor's scene. I will be using her to shoot pics of vintage clothing and wanted to spruce up the photo shoot area. I framed up a few paper collages I made and set up the area around the fireplace and it all ended up looking pretty darned cute.



Eleanor's dress is a 50's sarong style wiggle dress. It's a real snappy little number. I will be listing it and a bunch of other cute stuff hopefully on Friday.

Tonight we walked down to the plaza diner to get a slice of cherry pie. Who do we think we are? We started the day with crepes and ended with pie. And I am worried that Rudy is getting fat? The diner is the best. I love going there to people watch and the food is really better than you would expect. The place has been there since like 1905 or something too so it's very cute inside.



And they make some mean good pie...



Now I am off to bed to have nightmares about dog toenails. Maybe if I get freaked out enough in my sleep it will burn more of the calories from that pie in the night. Always try to see the bright side....

Plot Revealed! And Meet Eleanor...

Well... I hate to have to do this to you. But I think I may have stumbled upon and foiled a terrorist plot on the plaza this weekend. They get younger and younger...





We were lucky to get out of there with our lives. Watch your back fellow Santa Feans!

In other news.... Michelle and I drove down to Albuquerque today to pick up Eleanor. I found Eleanor on craigslist. She is happily residing in the corner by the fireplace now ready and willing to put in a hard days work come tomorrow morning. She is my new model for my vintage clothing sales in my etsy store. And being 45 years old she plenty of experience for the job.



I will post some more exciting photos after I get some clothing shot and up in the store. Honestly they will only be exciting for you if you are into old clothes and shabby dress forms though. So keep that in mind.

So there you have it. Where else can you find photos of tiny gunmen on the plaza and vintage knick knacks all in one place? Only here people.... only here.

If You Have Nothing Better To Do....

Click through to watch Rudy in action...

Super Bad

And Somehow It Got Even Better

Just when you thought Rudy's birthday had been fun.... something happened to smash yesterday's fun to squalid, embarrassing bits. Yesterday we had dog cake and all that, but today..... today the real action hit the scene.



We had a delayed birthday dinner party for Rudy tonight and no... we did not have Siegfried and Roy as dinner guests... but we did have Michelle and Casey over and they were the ones who delivered unto Rudy this majestic gift of a Tiger. A Tiger which got it's ass kicked all night long. A Tiger whose days of having a recognizable face are now numbered. Whose guts will soon be spilled on our living room floor.

At first there were tender moments.....



But those moments did not last long. It was all out domination, humping and beatings for the poor old cat for the rest of the night. Except for the two minute break he took to eat a slice of his birthday cake around 7:30. He knows how to party. Please note that Billy is not possessed by the devil as seen below... I tried to fix his red eye in photoshop and I may as well have added goat horns and flames around his head at the same time to finish off the fine job I did.



One more notable item of the night was this...



After drinking several bottles of wine Michelle serenaded us on her new sparkling blue accordion. She plays beautifully and it was a true joy to listen. But wait.... actually she has no idea how to play at all and that is our neighbor's accordion that Billy has borrowed so he can learn how to play. Michelle only held on to it long enough to make it squeak and I took her picture. But really... how much more fun is it even legal to have? Tigers, accordions and Billy all in one room on a Friday night? Pure magic.

Big Boy

Today was Rudy's birthday. He is now a whopping one year old. It was all at once a happy yet sad celebration (can a celebration be sad?) As he sails into the age of oneness we waved goodbye to the days of him being a big, fat, dog baby. Actually.... I am pretty sure he will continue on being a big, fat, spoiled, dog baby. But it is nice to pretend for a minute that those days are now behind us.

If we can get through the rest of the night without dealing with dog puke or the sudden onset of adult dog diabetes the day will be a success. A lot of treats were consumed here today. Here he is looking grumpy with his cake sent to him by his Grandma.



Sometimes the wrapping is even more fun than the gift. As seen here...





The cake was initially well received. It was an apple and carrot cake with apple cider icing by the way.



The cake of course could not be wholly consumed on a plate. It was soon moved to a more convenient location.



Soon after this the cake became troublesome. We moved in to the comfort of the kitchen on the chicken rug. It was time to contemplate this slice of cake. "Should I really be eating all of it?" This seemed to be what the birthday boy was asking himself.



He looked to Billy for advice. One should never ask Billy for advice when it comes to eating slices of cake. Rudy was all... "Dude... I don't think I can finish it." And Billy was all... "Be a man. Eat the cake."


Rudy tried. He put forth a valiant effort for a mere one year old. But in the end the cake won.



Let this be a lesson to us all. The moral of the story is... Sometimes it is best to just leave half a piece of cake on the floor. You will feel better about yourself in the morning.

Freeform Bureaucratic Haiku

License was expired
Broken arrow was big problem
But miracles do happen!

Bullshit bullshit bullshit
Huge cell phone bill
None of it mattered anyway!

Expired date on ID!
What is broken arrow?
I Love You MVD Express.

Yeah. So those of you who know about my broken arrow, expired license situation can all breath a long, hearty sigh of relief along with me tonight. Today Michelle and I went to the MVD Express. It is not a state run entity. It is actually holy entity as far as I am concerned. They gave me a license. No questions asked. No written test. No broken arrow. No problemo. It took like ten minutes. Thank you Francine (she is the woman who helped me.) I am good until 2015 people. The only poor result of the whole experience is that I look like an exuberant folk singer who has a swollen face from being on prednisone for three months after a banjo injury in my license photo. I don't know who the woman in that photo is? Surely I am not walking about looking like her. I will try to get a shot of it and post it on here tomorrow. It's the weirdest license pic I have ever had. But guess what? I don't care in the least. I am legal again. I can DRIVE. I have not been behind the wheel in like a month. Tomorrow I am going to drive around. All day. And wave at people and maybe even throw candy out the window of the truck at pedestrians.

Work It!!!!

Hey Y'All!

I have to say that Paula Dean has all but ruined the fun of saying "Hey Y'all" for me. She says it in such a forced creepy way. Shush Paula... you ruin it for the rest of us.

Anyway. We have fun big news! Beginning in March we will be conducting oil painting workshops here in our home in Santa Fe. Well, BILLY will be conducting the workshops and I will be the hostess with the mostess serving up tea and cakes and neat crap like that.

The first workshop will last over the course of two Saturdays (the 8th and the 15th) in four hour sessions and will be a beginner level class on completing an oil landscape painting from a photograph. We will also be putting together intermediate level classes and when the weather turns warm we will have some outdoor plein air workshops as well. For the workshops here at the home studio we are limiting the class size to just 4 folks per session. We don't have room for much more than that and we like the idea of being able to really give a lot of individualized attention to each participant. The plein air classes will allow for at least 15 per class which will be fun.

So if you live in Santa Fe or are planning to visit or you need an excuse to visit.... here you have it. I have put together a page on our website detailing out the first workshop. You can click through to it HERE.

My other big news is that I am ditching the part time job search. It just plain sucks too much for me to march any further down that path. I am refocusing my efforts on other personal projects and hopefully they will be a success. Hey... it is the Year of the Rat on the Chinese calendar and guess what? I am a rat. How can I be stopped? This is my year baby. I am going to let my ratty side shine.

Frozen Brain

I know I need to write a post. Here I am trying.... but it's not easy. My brain is frozen and tired. I am really, really over this cold weather. Especially since we wrote in blood last winter that we would never, ever do a cold winter somewhere again. And now here we are freezing our asses off once again. Sigh. Sooner or later we will just have to give in and move back to Hawaii. It's the only answer. But it's also impossible for the time being. So there you have it.

I am still searching for a job. I did give in and I typed up a resume so that I would not have to deal with filling out goofy applications anymore. This town is weirdly hung up on formalities such as resumes and paperwork and such considering it's uber laid back attitude about everything else. I mean... I think if I went for a job at The Cinnabon at the mall they would actually ask me for a resume there as well. It's bizarre. Or maybe I am bizarre. And lost in a time warped illusion in my own mind. That is more likely the answer.

OK. This is all you get from me on this day. I suck. But again... it's the frozen brain. Once we get up above 50 degrees for a few days I promise my posting will change your life. It will be riveting to read. You will ponder the mystery that is my life for hours at a time and you will tell all your friends about me because everything I will be telling you will light your mind on fire. And if it does not turn out that way 100% of the time... we can always fall back on funny pictures of the dog.

The Abomidable Snow Dog

Night Scenes in Our Hood

Last night I brought the camera along when I went for my last walk of the night around the neighborhood with Rudy. This first shot is out front of the O'Keeffe Cafe...



This is looking through the window of the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum gift shop...




Someone entering the museum....




And this is one of the many churches that dot the town's landscape...

Pickles and Cheese Please

Yesterday was a more relaxed and social day here at the new pad. Billy and I left the house early to run errands.... we signed Rudy up for doggie manners classes (which begin next week thank you Jesus) and to get some grocery shopping done. We did our shopping at Trader Joe's which is always a dangerous place for us when we have not been there in awhile. Our cart was overflowing with items that we would NEVER normally buy under any circumstances at any other grocery store. Things like bottles of Kahluha and frozen bags of Cioppino Stew. We have enough food here now to host an episode of Iron Chef so it will be a very inspired epicurean week in our kitchen.

Yesterday afternoon Chelle came over for me to give her lessons on how to crochet. So we planted ourselves on the giant sack sofa and set to work on endlessly stitching chains of yarn. It started out kind of tense and confusing and maybe a tad bit disappointing. And then.... click! She got it. She then announced that she would never be able to stop. Never. It's all she was looking for in life... to be able to repeatedly loop yarn around a hook for hours and hours on end. We now have plans to crochet a cozy for every item in the house. Bicycle cozy, toilet cozy... everything must be cozy. In the middle of all this mad crocheting Billy offered up his services as a chef and server. He yelled from the kitchen "Do you want a sandwich?" And I yelled "What kind?" He said "Pickles and cheese." And I asked "With lots of mayonnaise?" And he said "Yes." So of course I accepted. Pickles and cheese with lots of mayonnaise is one of the worlds best sandwiches. Especially when served on a paper towel. Behold it's goodness.......



Last night we had Chelle and Casey (her boyfriend) over to watch 3:10 to Yuma on our big movie projection wall. It was our first official having company over to do stuff night. We ordered in pizza and crowded on to the sacky chairs to watch the movie. I have to say that flick was a bit too sentimental for a western for me. Although I did like the scene where a bad guy blazed through a town on horseback screaming "This towns gonna BURN!" We decided that maybe I should start doing stuff like that down on the plaza here. Get dressed up like a nut and wander around screaming out threatening things like that. I don't have a horse but maybe I could just ride my bike around in circles. The tourists would love it. It would be much more fun than the part time job I have been trying to get.