Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Tagged by Gig

So having been tagged (in my comments from yesterdays post) I am supposed to list off a few little known, interesting or weird facts about myself. Let me see if I can really bring this one home...

1. Once when I was little (around three or four) I shoved a raisin up my nose. Way up my nose. So far up my nose in fact that my Mom had to bring me to the doctor to deal with it. Why did I do this? I still to this day recall the feeling that the raisin seemed to fit SO PERFECTLY in my nose that it seemed almost to belong there. I was sheltering the raisin in a perfect home.

2. Again... (when I was a child) about 9 years old, I caused my Mother undue distress. While she was out running to the store to grab a gallon of milk or something, I decided to make popcorn. This was before the days of microwave ovens so I pulled out the big stock pot that my Mom always made our popcorn in. I poured a bunch of oil in the pot, turned the burner on high, threw three kernels of corn in there and put the lid on. I stood there waiting to hear those first few kernels pop so I could pour in the rest of the corn. An unusually long amount of time passed. A funny smell started to permeate the air. And then black smoke started seeping out from under the lid. Yeah. It got real ugly real quick. Long story short.... the pan was burned inside to kingdom come. What did I do then? I hid the pot outside in the bushes. Yes. Of course. What else could be done? My Mother puzzled for months over what the Hell had become of her favorite stock pot. She eventually found it that winter when she saw a flash of silver in the melting snow out front. I denied having anything to do with the pot being out there of course. I think I may have even suggested that maybe my Dad had put it out there. Pure genius.

3. Lets stick with the fiery kitchen stories of my youth for a while longer. On another occasion I set our toaster on fire. Literally ON FIRE. I am talking about unruly flames licking the bottom of the cupboards above. In the toaster was a pop tart. Apparently these breakfast treats are highly flammable. Use caution while toasting one people, it can get dangerous in a matter of seconds. My reaction to this was to stand in the kitchen shrieking... "MOM! MOM! MOM!" over and over again while the house was on the verge of burning to the ground. My Mom was at that moment still sleeping. She eventually came running/stumbling in to the kitchen to discover the fire and me standing there three feet away just watching it happen. She screamed "OPEN THE FRONT DOOR!" So I ran and did just that. My Mom grabbed a pair of pot holders, grabbed the toaster engulfed in flames and heaved it out in to a snow bank in the front yard where it breathed a "PPPSSShhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaa" sigh of relief. The best part of this story is that we left that thing laying out there like a bunch of hillbillies for at least a week with the blackened remains of the pop tart strewn out across the crisp white snow.

4. When I was about 19 on a family vacation on a cruise ship in the Caribbean I made out in a broom closet with our waiter who was named Joaquim. I was really drunk on long island iced teas and I ended up passing out for a little while in a lawn chair on the top deck of the boat because I was so drunk I could not find our room. Sorry about that one Mom.

5. This one will be a list of sorts... things I don't like.... Las Vegas, Florida, Brussel Sprouts, Smoking, Fancy Snobby Restaurants (I like the food just not the atmosphere), Malls, Wet Socks, Anything "SMOKED" including Cheese and/or Nuts, Pedicures, Fabric Softeners, Flavored Water, Water Theme Parks and Llamas in the USA. Is that random enough? A few things I do like... Salted Dark Chocolate Caramels, Eating Breakfast for Dinner, Not Quite Ripe Bananas, Capitalizing Words That Should Not Be Capitalized, Talking On The Phone While in the Bath Tub, Multiple Boxes of Kleenex at my Side, Oprah and Eating an Apple Every Single Day.

OK... that's it. Did I even do it right? Probably not. But there you have it. If I am now supposed to tag other people I don't know if I will be able to take the pressure. The idea of tagging people makes me nervous. What if they don't want to be tagged? Maybe they have bad memories of being tagged before? Am I off the hook? Someone fill me in.


Gig said...

Great job! I could just see that toaster out in the front yard:)
I also found some things in common in your like and dislike list. Wow, I like to talk on the phone while in bathtub.
I don't think there is a wrong way to do this. I wasn't sure who to tag and thought you would share interesting things about yourself and you did.
Thanks for sharing. Some pick more than one person, I just picked you, come on, Go for it!

Momo said...

A few thoughts from your Mother regarding these situations:

1. I had forgotten about the raisin....I just remember you not understanding why I was so upset and your little glowing red face when the Doctor asked you "why"?

2. I went out to check the mail one winter day and tah-dah there it was....glinting away in the front bushes. It took me like a full minute to realize it was my stock pot. You actually had me believing that you didn't do it. I was mean to Dad for a few days because I figured it had to be him stealing it away for some dirty "garage boy" business.
You should apologize to your Dad.

3. We ARE hillbillies....isn't that what you are supposed to do with dead appliances?

4. I still have a photo of you and that nasty little ship boy Joaquim.

5. I have a theory that "smoked" is used to cover up bad things. I have always been amazed by your Kleenex consumption. Everybody needs to know that I buy a whole case of Kleenex before Bethany visits.

Desperate Middle Aged Man said...

Well these are some very interesting facts. So interesting that I suspected some of them might be delusions, then your mother turned up and verified them.

There is so much that I want to says "yes!" to. The care you showed for a raisin was exemplary. We had pop tarts over here for a short while but they burned too many peoples' tongues and were banned. I never tried one as I was too frightened.

I was worried that your mother would find out about Joaquim from your blog - but it turns out she already knew.

The problem with blogs is that you might let out a secret and someone you know reads it and it gets ugly.

Anyway. Good stuff as usual. It seems your mother shares your quirky sense of humour (this is not me misspelling that word by the way, I did it deliberately)

Bethany said...

DMAM... I appreciate your purposely misspelled word. I greatly enjoy doing that myself on occasion. For instance.... moustache instead of mustache. I mean... it does not take long to realize that moustache delivers far more punch and is infinitely more accurate in it's descriptive feeling when it comes to men's (or women's) facial hair.