The Longest Birthday in the West

Any of you who happen to know my Mother will not be surprised to find out that we started celebrating my birthday today. My birthday is still eleven days away... but to Hell with that nonsense... we started it up today. 36 years ago I was eleven days away from breaking on to the scene. That is reason to celebrate. I am all for this plan at this moment in my life because it stands in sparkling contrast to the steaming heap of yard sale crap that I stand in here in this house. Allow me to illustrate...



Now... what would you rather deal with... that which you see above? Or this....



Ahhhh yes, I think we all agree the cake is much more fun! And for those of you not in the know "Binky" is my street name. The name I sell crack under. You should always have your crack sellin' name inscribed on cakes. It lends an element of danger to the occasion.

I received my first birthday gift today as well. A pair of Salomon Techamphibean shoes. Right on! These will be great for California. They can go right in to the river or ocean and dry out really quickly... and unlike my Keen sandals they will not forever be allowing rocks to get in under my feet.


Rudy realized early on that none of this had much to do with him. He is quite selfish and moody. He gets terribly upset and depressed when it is anyone else's party but his own. He pouted for hours.



He will have to get over it. He did perk up long enough to pose with me for a photo illustrating the fact that although I will indeed be turning 36... in dog years I am only 12. Rudy and I both are hoping I get a shiny new pony as one of my gifts.



So I will do my best to keep you all updated as to the events and hijinx associated with my longest birthday ever. My Mother has promised thrilling possibilities on each and every day up until the 3rd.

Two days left until yard sale mayhem breaks loose. I have my brass knuckles ready. Wish us luck. If you are in the hood stop by and have some cake.

The Count Down

I was awakened this morning by receiving a jack rabbit kick to the guts. What a gentle and glorious way to begin my day. Thank you Rudy. Most mornings Rudy and I manage a very symbiotic relationship of curling up together and sleeping for another hour or so after Billy has gotten up. Rudy and I have to stay in bed as late as possible in the morning because the early morning sun light burns our retinas and makes our skin sizzle and char. But this morning we experienced technical difficulties resulting in me being kicked in the guts. So I was forced to get up and brave the early light. And here I am now nursing my coffee and weighing in the possibilities for this day.

News updates.... 1. I spoke to a ranger out at Big Sur Station this past week and we are still on schedule with no changes or problems for our arrival at Pfieffer Big Sur in the end of September. So that was great news. 2. I got my hair cut. Not by the guy in the post below though... I switched. Some little birds told me that I should go elsewhere so I did. I went to a guy named Antonio. He did a pretty good job... my only complaint is that he cut about 8 inches off my length when I really only wanted about 6 cut off. So my hair is a bit shorter than I like but hey, it will grow back. Seeing as how I plan to stay hidden in the woods for the next 22 years of my life I will probably have grown a beard by the time I emerge. My big idea is to come out looking like Rumplestilskin. For those of you unfamiliar, here....


I think I can do it. I just need to find a cobbler who can make me a pair of those pointy toe shoes.

Our yard sale is a week from tomorrow. What have I done to prepare? I have talked about it a lot. That's it. I have walked around the house and repeatedly said "I have to get to work on this." and "We have to get rid of all this shit." And I have harbored fantasies of sneaking off in the night and never ever even having the yard sale. This whole living in a real live house with real live furniture thing is totally over rated people. I am starting to believe more and more that those Japanese guys who sleep in a ventilated tube like a bunch of bee larvae are on to something.



The Airstream is of course a bit larger than that but once parked in the woods it achieves much the same effect. Perfect for my Rumplestilskin incubation period. Anyway... back to the yard sale. I am going to run it from 10 to 4 next Saturday. Anyone who appears in my yard before the clock strikes TEN will be drawn and quartered and fed to coyotes. Anyone who gets snarky with me will be tied to the fence post and force fed styrofoam peanuts soaked in vinegar. Yes. That's right. My yard sale is dangerous and mean. So don't come unless you are prepared to fight to the death over whittling down the price on some stupid knick nack I have posted a $1 sticker on.

OK. Time to get to work. On something. Have a smashing weekend people!

The Long Haired Truffle Eatin' Queen of England

I have been agonizing over a hair cut for weeks. I need one. My hair at this point is really bordering on the edge of Crystal Gayleness. I wear it pretty much exclusively in a pony tail... which sucks. It gives me headaches. My problem is that although I have pretty simple hair it can be seriously F**KED up by a stylist who is not keepin' it real and wearing their thinking cap the whole time they are workin' on it. This has happened to me a few too many times in the past and I have ended up looking like a nubby toothed, rabid badger chewed on my locks instead of like someone with skills took an interest and used actual sharp scissors to achieve the final look. I strive to avoid this situation at all costs now that I have lived the life of nubby toothed badger induced hairstyles for months on end.

I went to a place the other day that I had been eyeballing for a few weeks to see what I could see and possibly book an appointment. This salon is a busy little mecca of people with hot pink skunk stripes on their heads and pierced eyebrows and whatnot. They told me they could set me up with a certain girl (I am not naming names just to be nice) and when I asked if I could meet her they said NO because she was in the back at the moment giving someone a pedicure. Ummm... yeah. No Thanks. I don't need a chic who just finished scraping the dirt out from under someones pinky toenails to be working on my hair. If she can't stay busy enough doing hair and has to supplement her income with dirty feet then maybe she is not the gal for me.

So I move on. To this guy....


I have an appointment with him next week. Look at him. He is the perfect vision of hair cuttingness... is he not? I met him in person when I made the appointment and I am here to tell you... I am totally in to what he is doin'. I have been looking at this ad every single week in the Santa Fe Reporter for three years and I'll tell ya what he knows what he is doing running that ad every week because when you see him in person it feels like your meeting a celebrity. I forgot to ask what he charges and there is every chance that I have signed on for a $200 hair cut. It will be the grand finale of my time in Santa Fe. A fancy lady hair cut. So that I will look smashing in the woods of California. The squirrels will love me. The sea birds will cry out with praise for my precision cut layers.

So I will of course let you all know how it all turns out. Now that I have made such a big deal out of it I have created the obvious possibility that it will be a disaster. But somehow I think not... we shall see.

Today I discovered that I thought I was paying $4 a box for truffles at our fave chocolate shop and in reality it has been $17.25 each time. Yes. Four pieces of chocolate for $17.25. So we will be ceasing that behavior, pronto. After all... I am not the Queen of England. Not yet anyway. Maybe after my haircut they will find me irresistible and bequeath me the throne.

Quick Notes on Grossness

Just a word or two here for ya.... Three weeks from today we hit the road. I am starting to get rid of stuff (or try to anyway) like the sofa and chair (listed it today on craigslist.) Once that is outta here I can start making big ridiculous piles of stuff in the living room to price for the yard sale. The end of the yard sale is the light at the end of the tunnel for me. The END of it... not the actual sale itself which I dread. I dread it the same way you would dread knowing someone planned to file your teeth down to tiny nubs with a dull metal implement. Once the sale is over all that is left is to load up the trailer and peel out. Clear the roadway people... cuz I am ready to peel the Hell out.

Since I had such an overwhelming response of people wanting to read Henry Miller along with me (no one wanted to read Henry Miller along with me) I won't be starting up a book club any time soon. I will tell you that you are missing out on some seriously snarky and bizarre reading by passing up Mr. Miller's fine crafting of words. The dude was nuts. But in a really pleasing way if you are a sarcastic jerk like me. He and I would have gotten along quite well I think.

What else can I tell you? I had tamales with green chile for breakfast today. Rudy and I walked to the rich lady dog boutique to buy him copious amounts of canned dog food with names like "Cowboy Cutlet" and "Brauts and Tots." Because Rudy is a bitchy Diva. We visited with our friend Casey at his coffee shop for awhile (highlight of the day, it was nice to see you Casey) and then I went to the post office. I know I am blowing your minds here with all this riveting information. Now Billy and I are drinking decaf coffee and getting ready to watch a movie on the living room wall. Rudy is crabby and did not eat his "Pork Tenderloin" dinner. It's pretty boring up in here... this is my point. We need to go, go, go. No offense to the good people of Santa Fe... I am just really ready to get a move on. All I want to do here now is wander through the city grazing on the expensive foods they have to offer. Handmade chocolates here... pastry there... gelato on that corner... Haagen Dazs on the other. It's gross. Or maybe to put it more accurately.... I am gross. Today I ate dark chocolate and violet truffles from The Kakawa Chocolate House. Go ahead and check out their website. They are not foolin' around. I am like a crack junkie when it comes to stuff like this which is why we must vacate the city and go hide in the burning forests of California ASAP.

OK... I am rambling on about nonsense. I just had the guilt of not posting gnawing away at me so this is what you get. Until next time...

Weekend Stuff and Photos

Happy belated fourth to those of you in the states. We had a pretty low key day... we just wandered around downtown people watching for the most part. There are a lot of great street musicians around this time of the year in Santa Fe. One of the best we have seen lately was on the 4th stationed out in front of the Starbucks on San Francisco St. He is a local guy who also plays at the farmer's market on Saturdays sometimes. On this particular day he had teamed up with an acoustic guitar player and a little gypsy dancin' girl. They were great fun to watch.









We went up to Fort Marcy Park to watch the fireworks. It's not at all close to where they shoot them off from but you get a panoramic view of the entire city so you can see them from above and you see any that people are shooting off for miles around.

Before the sun set we got some nice shots of the beautiful cloudscapes rolling in from the north.




I love this shot... it's a group of people up on the hillside above us and just below a massive storm cloud that was blowing in at sundown.



So we watched the lights come on down in the city and beyond that were the fireworks. Here are a few of our best shots. Billy took all of these as I was sitting down with Rudy and chatting with a vacationer named Annette whom we invited to sit with us because she was flying solo for the night and is from near my home town. This first one is just a view of Santa Fe from our vantage point at the park.








And these last few are looking out to the West of town. The moon was rising and made for these nice shots...




So we have just over three weeks to go here. My yard sale will be on the weekend of the 26th and 27th and after that is over with with can peel out as soon as we have the trailer loaded up. I am planning on trying to contact the ranger in Big Sur over this next week to see if our campground is still there. Hopefully we still have that gig lined up for the end of September.